I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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