Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
