Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was CRYING into my vagina
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
