guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
