My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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