I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
