Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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