Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
