i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
