please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
