the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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