grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
