There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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