Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
