I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
