make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
