so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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