you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
