I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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