return my video game
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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