Apparently you make a good broom.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i love accidental penises.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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