I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
