and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
