cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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