the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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