It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
