I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
