No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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