I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
