He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
