yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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