Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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