we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
