Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
