I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
