walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
