I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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