I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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