Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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