..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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