i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
