Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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