At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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