Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
