Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
