3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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