dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
