I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
