Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
