Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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