exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
