google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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